Kotula’s catalog — the catalog for “the guys with the goods” — lists all sorts of difficult-to-find items.
Your understanding of this will depend entirely on your level of need to have a solar-powered baseball cap — it has one of those light-catching panels on the top — that uses “the power of the sun” to keep you “cool as a cucumber” with a little fan attached to the brim.
I found it in the latest Kotula’s catalog — the catalog for “the guys with the goods” — which lists all sorts of difficult-to-find items. In fact, I hadn’t seen such a specialized hat for about 30 years, since my brother gave me what he called a “life preserver cap” that had fishing bobbers on the sides for buoyancy. These sorts of things are rare.
Is it right?
I should tell you right now that I’m not going to get into the moral debate over whether we should be buying solar-powered hats at a time when so many people have no hats at all. I’m aware of that argument. And if the truth be known, if I had a solar-powered hat I’d give it to a person who needed a hat, after I wore it for long enough to show all my friends what an idiot I am for wasting my money on a hat with a fan on it when I work for a place that has plenty of newspapers that I could use to fan myself on hot days.
But, to be honest, I don’t personally know too many poorly-hatted people who would want a solar-powered hat. They probably wouldn’t wear a solar-powered hat. They might accept it, then sell it to someone who had everything else but a solar-powered hat, and who would pay to complete his collection. People without hats aren’t stupid.
So, looking at other things in the Kotula’s catalog, let’s just get past the point where we have to question about whether it’s obscenely wasteful to spend $2,499 on a 10-disk CD jukebox with an iPod docking station. Let’s get beyond wondering whether or not it’s sinfully prideful to buy one of those lawn-striper attachments for your lawn mower so your yard ends up looking like a big league outfield. And why don’t we just ignore any politically-correct thoughts that it might be offensive to animals — birds in particular — if we buy one of those digital messaging light switch plates that records messages to your family and plays them back in the voice of a parrot.
Braawk! What to buy?
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that people who really want to sound like a parrot will fix it so they sound like a parrot — at all costs — without considering a bad economy, moral goodness or the feelings of parrot-kind.
The people at Kotula’s are probably depending on that. And I for one don’t mind if they do. They’re an American company, based in Minnesota. It’s good for our economy if you buy a solar-powered cap, or, regrettably, the cowboy hat in the catalog that has beverage holders on each side, above the brim.
So, I say go ahead and buy those hats. And while you’re at it, purchase one of the stars-and-stripes visors Kotula’s sells what has something like hair sticking up from the open part at the top. There might be some debate over whether you would look pretty goofy wearing it, but we’ll ignore that question, too, for the time being.
Contact Gary Brown at firstname.lastname@example.org.