COLUMNS

TABLE D'HOTE: Winking Sarah and the Joe Six-Pack empire

Wade McIntyre

“Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you 

will have no revolution among them.” - Queen Victoria

At the risk of being branded something other than just the regular guy that I usually am, I must confess, doggone it, that I really don’t like Sarah Palin as a vice presidential candidate.

Hey, can I call her Sarah, even though I haven’t met her?

I betcha if Sarah’s family business was selling environmentally friendly cross-country skis instead of noisy, gasoline guzzling snowmobiles in America’s last frontier, I would like her a heck of 

lot more.

If she had not winked her way through a debate for the vice-presidency of the United States like it was a botox commercial, I’m positive I would like her more.

I’d like her better if she answered the questions asked of her in the debate, rather than cheerfully announcing she would ignore them when she felt like it, and answer questions in her head that she thought were more appropriate. When questioned after the debate about her blatant disregard of the questions in question, Sarah said Americans wanted to hear her talk about more important things than what moderator Gwen Ifill asked her.

Doggone it, Sarah, that is the most naive and childish thing any vice presidential candidate has ever done. Dang it, when I tune into a debate, I expect the debaters to answer the darn questions, and because you did not, I just don’t think you are the right Washington outsider for the job.

Sarah is governor of America’s last frontier, and I would certainly like her better if she were more green, more environmentally aware. Although Alaskan state scientists say polar bears are in danger due to global warming, Sarah sued Uncle Sam to keep the bears off the endangered species list.

What the heck have you got against polar bears, woman?

Sarah says she represents a segment of society that she calls Joe Six-Pack country, after the demeaning marketing term for middle and lower class males with beer-belly tool sheds and beer-drinking females with inner tubes around their midriffs. Does this mean Sarah does not plan 

to represent college students and graduates, gourmets, social drinkers, food critics, priests and movie stars who also purchase six-packs of beer?

Sarah would be more likable if she made an effort to unite Americans in the great cause to bring the nation back together, rather than Bush-parotting the worn-out “Us Against Them” theme. This 

beleaguered country deserves better than a hockey mom manufactured fight between the beer-quaffing far right and the beer-loving left.

There’s not a heckuva a lot more to say. Sarah, how in the world did you slip on to the presidential ticket?

My advice: slow down, woman. Think about the questions, and either answer them, or deny the alligators. You’re not in the White House yet. And, if you get there, remember that the vice-presidency is not worth a bucket of warm spit, as former top veep John Nance Garner once said.

I betcha that goes double in Alaska.

Wade McIntyre is a reporter for The Gonzales Weekly Citizen. He can 

be reached at reporter1@weeklycitizen.com.