COLUMNS

TABLE D'HOTE: Please, Mr. Hurricane

Wade McIntyre
Wade McIntyre is a reporter for The Gonzales Weekly Citizen. He can be reached at reporter1@weeklycitizen.com.

“The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.” - Bob Dylan

In the wake of the recent hurricanes, many people discovered favorite trees blown down by the storm.

Why don’t storms ever blow away things that nobody wants? Don’t they have anything better to do than attack trees and flood homes?

Here’s a list of things I’d like to see the next hurricane blow away:

• Fire ants

• Negative, non-issue political campaigning

• Classic rock

• Rush Limburger

• Instant coffee & powdered creamer

• The new television season

• The last television season

• War

• Creationism

• Ray Nagin (just his mouth)

• Britney Spears (just her career)

• Abandoned buildings on Burnside Avenue in Gonzales

• High gasoline prices

• Copper pennies

• The Rolling Stones

• Drive-up daiquiri shop windows

• Movie sequels

And, here are a few things for a hurricane to bring in:

• Generator mufflers

• School bus seat belts

• More responsible pet owners

• Trials by jury and public floggings for convicted price gougers

• More manners for everyone

• Less traffic

• Mass-market chicken noodle soup without MSG

• Fast-food health food

• Ten years without a hurricane anywhere in the world

• Joy to the world

• A sequel to “This is Spinal Tap”