Well I could have chosen a Foxy Shad, Lady Shad, or Lemon/Lime Crush. Guys, doesn’t this seem to be getting a bit ridiculous?

Occasionally this is the scenario when a couple is getting ready to go somewhere, and the female can’t decide what to wear. “Does this go with this? Should I wear the dark jeans or the light ones? Short sleeve or tank top, or is it too hot for a long sleeve?” Most of the time us guys are at a loss to help very much and don’t understand why she can’t decide--until now.

Well, ladies if you don’t know this already, us guys getting ready to go fishing is way worse than any dilemma you go through getting dressed. We just don’t ask you what to pick out. That’s not your thing, right? Come to think of it, fashion is not our thing either. And you probably don’t listen to our suggestions anyway.

This is me. First, we have to pick out our weapons for battle. Which rods and reels shall I bring--not too many because I’m fishing in someone else’s boat, but not too few either. Gotta be prepared, you know. It took me 10 minutes to decide the correct number was six, then pick out the ones I wanted. Baitcasters or spinning, light or heavy line, braid or mono? Man, the choices are endless!

Next is the type of bait. My favorite way to catch bass is with plastic baits, so first on the agenda is the type. It just gets worse as the process goes along--plastic worms of all shapes and sizes. If you think fashion, jewelry, or shoe designers come up with names for their products think again. Honey worm, shaky worm, power worm, straight tail, paddle tail, twister tail--need I go on?

“Creature” baits are really high on my list as well. How about Brush Hog, Pit Boss, Hawk Hawg, Sweet Beaver, Rocket Craw, Rage Tail Craw, Space Monkey, or Chigger Craw? There’s leeches, toads, lizards, and snakes. Is there really a need to go on?

So finally I settle on a Strike King Rage Tail Craw. What next? The color. We have more colors than lipstick manufacturers that appeal to any taste one might have. Like the fruity kind? How about Black Grape, Cherry seed, Plum, Watermelon--or what about Electric Grape?

Got a sweet tooth? Hard Candy, Cotton Candy, or Watermelon Candy. Romance? There’s Midnight Fire. Heck, there’s even one that sounds like a Kenny Chesney song--Tequila Sunrise. I chose Watermelon Red that I’ll dip in chartreuse dye that is garlic flavored. Seems to be getting a little pitiful doesn’t it?

Wow, one rod done and five more to go. This time of year the topwater baits are always one of my favorites early in the morning. But there are buzz baits, scum frogs, stick baits, poppers, and walkers. Colors are next. Well I could have chosen a Foxy Shad, Lady Shad, or Lemon/Lime Crush. Guys, doesn’t this seem to be getting a bit ridiculous?

Next comes a hard bait to select. Strike King’s Red Eye Shad quickly comes to mind, so here we go with the color. Chili Craw is making me a little hungry. Bad to the Bone makes me want to sing. Sensitive Shad makes me a little emotional, and the Sexy Shad . . . Well I’ll leave that one alone, but Sexy Shad it is!

I pick up another rod, and I’m just about mentally exhausted. Point fishing is good this time of year so a plastic worm is in order. Shall I use a straight tail, a twister tail, or a trick worm? Color choice again. It never stops.

Zoom offers over 400 colors in their plastic bait selection to fit every need. For the auto mechanic there’s motor oil. For the vegetarian there’s avocado and tomato. For the person with a sweet tooth there’s cotton candy and watermelon candy. Is this not pitiful? I have more rods to get ready. How can we put ourselves through so much torture? Man, it’s time for bed.

Oh yeah, we get the “I ain’t got nothing to wear” even figuratively. Two tackle boxes crammed full, two tackle bags, sundry “Wal-Mart” bags filled with stuff we never opened as of yet, and a 22” X 36” plastic tote with “God knows what” in it. Man, this is sorry!

Ladies, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for every man that’s ever gotten frustrated, angry or bent out of shape when you’ve asked him a fashion question of any sort. We are much worse when it comes to these kinds of choices. I will always empathize with my wife from now on.

Anything Outdoors Kids Rodeo

Anything Outdoors Helping Kids is at it again. The group that has put kids with cancer and other serious medical issues put on a kid’s fishing rodeo during the 3rd Annual La Fête des Bayous Festival at Holy Rosary Church in St. Amant.

The annual fundraiser for the church is held on the banks of New River. There wouldn’t be a better spot to host some enthusiastic youngsters at a morning of fishing! Jacob Heath and the crew did it up good. Thirty kids lined the banks in the quest of catching some fish.

When all the dust settled, an up and coming angler by the name of Barritt Babin hauled in eight perch to earn the winning spot for the most fish caught. Adelynn Reynolds came in right behind Babin with five fish caught. Jax Guillory and Reid James followed Reynolds with four fish each and Ella Sheppard, Trace Bocking, Callie Babin along with Alli Guillory each landed one fish.

Another great job by Anything Outdoors, as they provided tackle to kids that didn’t have any as well as giving 200 Zebco rods, 20 sticker books, and eight tackle boxes.

Remember to keep the slack out and set the hook hard. Until next time, have fun in the outdoors, be safe, and may God bless you!

Lyle Johnson is a free-lance writer, co-host of Ascension Outdoors TV and Curator of the Louisiana State Fish Records. He can be contacted at reelman@eatel.net.

Outdoor Calendar

EASL Monthly Meeting: 3rd Monday every month, East Ascension Sportsman’s League meeting held at Chef KD’s on Highway 74 starting at 7 p.m. A meal served and special speaker will be in attendance.

APSO Shooting Range: The rifle range on St. Landry Road is open to the public year-round on the second and fourth Thursday of each month from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m., or safe shooting light.

Squirrel season: Oct 7-Feb 28 daily bag limit 8, possession 24.

Rabbit season: Oct 7-Feb 28 daily bag limit 8, possession 24.

Trout Challenge Kayak Fishing Tourney: Eddies Kayak Rentals, Pointe-aux-Chenes. Bayou Coast Kayak Fishing Club event. Open to public. Fee $25. Heaviest 10 speckled trout stringer. Artificial lures only. BCKFC members’ Angler of the Year event. Website: bckfc.org.

Need an event publicized? Contact Lyle at reelman@eatel.net